एक अक्षर ...

 

सुनो...

किसी दिन,  किसी मोड़ पे शायद तुम्हारा मेरा सामना हो ही गया तो क्या करोगे ? क्या मुझे पहचान पाओगे? या फिर अपनी धुन में चलते  रहोगे। 

कुछ बातों के हज़ार मतलब होते हैं और कुछ  बातों का कोई मतलब नहीं होता। शायद हम इन मतलबों में ही उलझ के जीते रहेंगे। और फिर एक दिन एक दूसरे को  कोसेंगे कि मेरी बात का क्या मतलब निकालते रहे। 

खैर, तुम्हे ये  एहसास ही नहीं कि कितनी दुआएं  मांगी हैं मैंने तुम्हारे इक दीदार के  लिए। 

हिज्र की शब कई जन्मों तक बनी रहे, शायद यही तक़दीर हो. शायद मेरे हाथों में तुम्हारे नाम की लकीर तो हो पर टूटी फूटी।  इसलिए रोज़ हाथदेखती  हूँ... तुम्हारे नाम के अक्षरों को उनमें ढूंढ़ती हूँ।  मगर आज तक एक भी अक्षर नहीं  मिला।  

image: www. pexels.com

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Tum hi aana

Tumhare bina ye baadal bhi saabun ki jhaag ki tarha lagte hain... aasmaan ka neelapan bhi na jane kahaan kho gya hai... 

🎶

Meri neendon ko chhu kar tum jo sapne yu sajaate ho

In aankhon ke kinaaron se ye aansu kyo hataate ho.

Wafaa se puchh lo jakar bina waade tujhe chaaha.

Bahot aayi gyi yaadein magar is baar tumhi aana.🎶

Ye sunte sunte baadlon ko keh rahi hoon ki itna sannaata aaj kyo hai... tumhari hasi kyo nhi goonj rahi, kyo aankhon ko tumhare chehre ka intezaar hai... tumhari awaaz ka intezaar hai.tumhara intezaar hai...

🎶

Tere jane ka gam, aur na aane ka gam,

Phir zamaane ka gam kya karein?

Raah dekhe nazar, raat bhar jaag kar

Par teri toh khabar na mile.🎶

Ab barish ka mausam bhi nhi par dekho bewaqt ki barish bhi tumhari yaadon jaisi hi hain... itni umas hai is tadap ki... ki aankhon ka barasna bhi jaise zaruri ho gya hai. Judaa log hote hain... dil toh kabhi judaa nhi hote.

🎶

Bahot aayi gyi yaadein, 

magar is baar tumhi aana.

Iraade phir se jaane ke nhi laana... 

tumhi aana!🎶

Suno... ye faasle kya mohabbat ka farmaan sunaate hain? Kya tumne bhi mujhe yaad kiya? Kya tumhe 

Ya phir ye sab bas waqt bitaane ke tumhare tariqe hain...apne akelepan se kya itna darte ho ki tumhe bas saath chahiye? Mera...Kisi ka bhi?

🎶

Meri dehleez se hokar bahaarein jab guzarti hain...

Yahaan kya dhoop kya saawan, 

hawaayein bhi barasti hain.

Humein puchho kya hota hai bina tere jiye jana...

Bahot aayi gyi yaadein, magar is baar tumhi aana.

🎶

Haan... is baar tumhi aana. Koi makhauta na lagaana... na koi jhooth kehna.... jaise ho waise hi... 

Tumhi aana!

© Ravinder Kaur

   

04-06-2020

Image: www.pinterest.com

Lyrics : marjaavaan

#tumhiaana

#tumbin

On the brink of being vulnerable...

How slow we made it...to this.

Slowly hearing out our hearts, our sore wounds that would always ache like hell. We comforted each other only to leave back our skins that no longer served us. 

Do you really think we have to be this vulnerable? I get scared at the mention of it. May be I dont know how to or may be my walls are so thick that I cannot break them. 

Each day I have cemented one more layer over them. Now it seems more like a grave enclosing me in, than my fortress.

Do you think this is needed? The last wall to be thrashed to feel what vulnerability is? 

I get scared that my armour would be destroyed, hurting me more... exposing me to something I might not be able to protect myself from.

But some days.... I want to break down...show the real me to you and tell you yes it hurts to miss you... to love you because I can live, knowing that it's safe to love you from a distance than to find myself crumbling under your stare....than to say that it's all a lie... this love is fake. 

Somedays I want to bear the weight of your arms wrapping around me, feeling me safer than ever inside your embrace. Is being invulnerable too bad?

Can't you see am so scared to be in love and be loved. 

Because the fear of losing you haunts me day and night behind these walls. 

And all I can do is be on the other side of this poker face and behave like it doesn't matter... you do not matter.... LOVE DOESN'T MATTER!!!

© Ravinder Kaur

13-05-2020

Image: www.psychcentral.com

Fallen traps

Twenty two months...since I know her... a woman who became more than a friend to me. We met through a social site...where she posted some of her pics. The more I scrolled her profile...the more I got interested in her. At first...it was just out of curiosity... a new prey she was to me...and I wanted to trap her without any failure.This is the advantage of social sites...the victim never knows ...which information has led to her fall... there are clever ways to know how to go into that... likes ... books ... movies ... groups ... places visited ...things liked which fall in a particular emotion...like sad songs, etc.

I had mastered this art since the beginning days of Facebook. And if you take my advice...stalking someone quietly is more advantageous than blowing the trumpet by liking their posts or commenting continuously. But sometimes the predator becomes the prey itself.

But my case is different. It all started with a friend request....loz... sounds the title of Ravinder Singh' s novel. Yes it started that way but ended totally differently. My request for ignored several times...my pleading went unheard most of the times and the reason was well... unknown. I tried hard to get into the dense fencing around this lady but to my utter surprise...she never spoke in the inbox.I tried catching her attention in the comments then....but she would remain diplomatic. 

But then like a blessing one day... she answered my message with a bang... "THANK YOU". And left the conversation when I tried to initiate it with a "hello". So much for it.I was totally bowled out.How could she do that to me....me who always wins over girls...but wait...she's not a girl...but a woman...and as you know .... a woman is very hard to please. And this is what I like the most....challenges...I love to win...a challenge...and am The One....not to be messed with!

First step cleared....she answered...right?

Now to go a little slow...cleverly I put my trap. Sometimes sweet honey words dont do the trick that much but some harsh realities pinch and make the sore wounds bleed and that's when the prey actually surrenders and this trick is a Man's game. Simple flirts can't handle this...it is like a burning charcoal on the palm and you have to cross the river carrying it...without letting it fall in the water or on you. 

And you know what.... it makes your prey so vulnerable that they would give in so easily and quickly that you would make them go down their knees and confess how much comforting it is to be with someone like you.

I started with simple" hi's and you look gorgeous in your  pics " with girls. But this lady wasn't that easy to please. She was a no nonsense taker. What I gauged from her profile and comments was that she had built a very thick wall around her and wanted no one as a company. Diplomatic birthday wishes and hard life posts was what I found on her timeline. But I knew one thing...behind closed doors...there are always secrets...for graves are not for the alive but for the dead to be forgotten and kept out.

The only way to reach her was to addict her with words that would soothe her....because I felt she was hurt....and that too very badly...

But ... all the while when I was thinking about her, my killer boy instinct was fading away too....I was realising my thinking pattern was changing....I was thinking good about her...my motive of disturbing her peace of mind changed to becoming her friend...her well wisher...her companion...for she didnt need honey words...she needed a listener....a calmer to her nerves...the storm that she carried inside but wasn't able to control or may be she needed someone to make it explode and let the world know its ferocity.

My intention at first was to make her fall for me...but as time passed...I realised it was me who was falling for her. And guess what... now I dont know how to end the fire that I had began. It's as if I have to abandon her half -burnt.  But now it has taken over me and I cannot extinguish it. 

Sometimes, the lies that you speak become your reality... the thin line between the vague and real fades so slowly that you never know when you cannot escape your own heart.

 Image: www.wsj.com

What if I never get over you...

What if I never get over you...

Love is as confusing as hating.... both consume enormous energy . The only thing that differs is the way we express them.

After believing for a lifetime that a person can get over someone by hating, I understood that it's never possible. 

Even though we move on... we move away from that love, we want to forget, we want never to go through the same again...

But ... that person still holds the very spot in our heart, eventhough we ignore... looking through them like they dont exist but the truth is, love cannot be taken back... you cannot unlove them. Hating them is just a mask we put over our own emotions. A mechanism to cope up, to prevent from drowning in that sad wave that we are not with them...

What if I dont get closure?

There are no closures in love, only divorces in marriages but never closures. There is nothing called closures because we never agree on loving someone for a while... hearts dont work that way. 

What if I never get over you?

I would never, but plainly deny my feelings for you, fight out with myself....thinking it's all in my head and not in real. 

But the truth will remain the same... there's no way to unlove a person you once fell in love with.  There will be memories that won't leave at your will. Mind is a graveyard where memories are like ghosts, haunting day and night, without any restrictions and last goodbyes never mean you will forget them once and for all.

©Ravinder Kaur

14-07-2019

#whatifinevergetoveryou

#whatifinevergetclosure

#memorieshauntingraveyardofmind

#youcantunlovetheoneyouloved

#you

That night...

That night when you appeared; broken!

Torn at the window of my room,

The melody you played; weeped.

On the strings of the harp.

That night when I touched,

Your heart that oozed blood.

That night, when you hugged me tight,

Hiding away your tears; unripe.

As you teach me each night,

To play the strings of harp right.

The only melody you taught me,

Was of broken hearts and lives.

That night when you sung,

For your beloved outside.

Looking at the stars you recited her name,

Like an unfulfilled wish to the stars.

As you wrapped your wings around yourself,

Embracing her as if a dream stands in eyes.

I wished you had loved me the same

As you thought of your Aphrodite.

But I knew I cannot love an angel

A forbidden thing it is to the mankind

But I have fallen for you it seems...

A broken shattered heart; You.

Now I look at the harp untouched,

May be you have forgotten about Us.

I play the saddest melody,

Holding my tears for eternity.

Trembled my heart as it felt your brokenness,

Like it shattered in me; inside.

What is love if not felt inside,

Without a touch of light.

My darkened soul lit up,

Like a spark burning the whole forest.

And the trapped love that you evoked,

Now escapes to the world; untold.

And I wonder if it was love...

Or a curse foretold.

Image: www.wallpaperup.com

घर वापसी (भाग -१० और...ज़िन्दगी चलती रही )

भाग- १ यहाँ पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/05/blog-post_99.html 

भाग -२ यहां पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/05/blog-post_25.html

भाग ३ यहां पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/05/blog-post_72.html

भाग ४ यहाँ पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/05/blog-post_27.html

भाग ५ यहां पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/06/blog-post_13.html

भाग ६ यहां पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/07/blog-post_5.html

भाग ७ यहां पढ़ें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/10/blog-post.html

भाग ८ यहां पढें https://www.loverhyme.com/2018/11/blog-post.html

भाग ९ यहां पढ़ें  https://ravinderscorner.blogspot.com/2019/01/blog-post_25.html

घर वापसी (भाग -१०  और...ज़िन्दगी चलती रही )







मैं बीच सड़क चली जा रही थी... सामने से आती हुई कार, बस...मुझे कुछ नज़र नहीं आया।

सब कुछ तो पहले ही लुट चूका था मेरा। वापसी की आस भी अब ख़तम हो चुकी... अब किधर जाऊ ? अम्माजी के यहाँ वापसी का मतलब उन भूखे भेड़ियों का फिर शिकार बन जाऊँ ।  घर बचा ही कहाँ..... मायेका तो शादी पे ही पराया हो गया और ससुराल.... वो तो अब किसी और के हिस्से चला गया।



"पागल हो क्या!!! मरना चाहती हो ? इतनी बड़ी गाडी नहीं दिखती तुम्हे?" , कैलाश मुझे सड़क किनारे ले जा, झिंझोड़ता हुआ बोला।





"मैं.... मैं.... क्या करू कैलाश। ...मेरा सब कुछ लुट चुका....जिस्म, रूह, घर, पति, बच्चा, सब कुछ!

ज़िन्दगी से कोई उम्मीद नहीं थी मुझे, फिर क्यों निकाल लाये मुझे ? क्यों वापसी के ख्वाब दिखाए?

औरत कभी वापसी नहीं कर सकती... देहलीज़ के उस पार गयी हुई औरत चाहे सीता ही क्यों न हो, वापस कभी घर नहीं जा सकती।  मैं तो आम इंसान थी। घर से रूठ के निकली थी  .... देखो... मेरी ... मेरी तो किस्मत ही रूठ गयी मुझसे, देखो न..... मैं...मैं क्या करूँ? बोलो ना..... " मुझे रोता देख, कैलाश ने मुझे अपनी बाहों में भर लिया।







"अवनि.... सुनो, कुछ ख़त्म नही हुआ है, समझी! मेरी तरफ देखो....देखो ! कुछ नहीं हुआ है !!! 

तुम तब भी जी रही थी जब अम्माजी के यहां थी... तुम अब भी जियोगी.... वो भी इज़्ज़त से.... मेरे साथ ! "











कैलाश एक एनजीओ  में काम करता था।  वो मुझे अपने शहर ले गया ।  वहाँ पहुंच हमने अम्माजी और उनके इस गैरकानूनी काम की पुलिस में एफ़आईआर  करवाई।  साथ ही अम्माजी से मिले उन भ्रष्ट पुलिसवालों की शिकायत भी की।  क्योंकि मानव-तस्करी एक बहुत बड़ा मसला है, उसे सुलझाना इतना आसान नहीं था।  पर कैलाश और उसके एनजीओ ने हर मुमकिन कोशिश की कि केस की सुनवाई हाई-कोर्ट में हो।







रेड लाइट एरिया जितना आदमियों को आकर्षित करता है, उतनी ही खौफनाक वहाँ फँसी हुई औरतों और लड़कियों की ज़िंदगी होती है।







कैलाश मुझे तो निकाल लाया.... "मोहब्बत थी ... पाने की हसरत नहीं..." झूठा ! 



 शायद उसी की किस्मत थी...कि मैं उसके साथ हूँ।  हम जल्दी ही शादी करने हैं।  सब कुछ भुला के।



एक नयी ज़िन्दगी का सफर शुरू होने को है।  रब से जितनी भी शिकायतें थी.... अब नहीं हैं!









image:www.usgo.org