What if I never get over you...

What if I never get over you...

Love is as confusing as hating.... both consume enormous energy . The only thing that differs is the way we express them.

After believing for a lifetime that a person can get over someone by hating, I understood that it's never possible. 

Even though we move on... we move away from that love, we want to forget, we want never to go through the same again...

But ... that person still holds the very spot in our heart, eventhough we ignore... looking through them like they dont exist but the truth is, love cannot be taken back... you cannot unlove them. Hating them is just a mask we put over our own emotions. A mechanism to cope up, to prevent from drowning in that sad wave that we are not with them...

What if I dont get closure?

There are no closures in love, only divorces in marriages but never closures. There is nothing called closures because we never agree on loving someone for a while... hearts dont work that way. 

What if I never get over you?

I would never, but plainly deny my feelings for you, fight out with myself....thinking it's all in my head and not in real. 

But the truth will remain the same... there's no way to unlove a person you once fell in love with.  There will be memories that won't leave at your will. Mind is a graveyard where memories are like ghosts, haunting day and night, without any restrictions and last goodbyes never mean you will forget them once and for all.

©Ravinder Kaur

14-07-2019

#whatifinevergetoveryou

#whatifinevergetclosure

#memorieshauntingraveyardofmind

#youcantunlovetheoneyouloved

#you

That night...

That night when you appeared; broken!

Torn at the window of my room,

The melody you played; weeped.

On the strings of the harp.

That night when I touched,

Your heart that oozed blood.

That night, when you hugged me tight,

Hiding away your tears; unripe.

As you teach me each night,

To play the strings of harp right.

The only melody you taught me,

Was of broken hearts and lives.

That night when you sung,

For your beloved outside.

Looking at the stars you recited her name,

Like an unfulfilled wish to the stars.

As you wrapped your wings around yourself,

Embracing her as if a dream stands in eyes.

I wished you had loved me the same

As you thought of your Aphrodite.

But I knew I cannot love an angel

A forbidden thing it is to the mankind

But I have fallen for you it seems...

A broken shattered heart; You.

Now I look at the harp untouched,

May be you have forgotten about Us.

I play the saddest melody,

Holding my tears for eternity.

Trembled my heart as it felt your brokenness,

Like it shattered in me; inside.

What is love if not felt inside,

Without a touch of light.

My darkened soul lit up,

Like a spark burning the whole forest.

And the trapped love that you evoked,

Now escapes to the world; untold.

And I wonder if it was love...

Or a curse foretold.

Image: www.wallpaperup.com

What is Goodbye...afterall?

What is goodbye afterall...if only it had to be just said, but not felt in the heart...when the memories drown you every now and then, making you vulnerable.

What is goodbye afterall...if you touch your scars and feel the pain again and again, like they are still fresh.

What is goodbye afterall...if your tears flow, eventhough times have crossed bridges of months and years.

What is goodbye afterall...when you try all the while to live, but die each day remembering them whom you love.

What is goodbye afterall...when you never think it would end so soon, that your mind keeps hanging in confusion.

What is goodbye afterall...when you remember them, each time you touch something you both shared.

What is goodbye afterall...when your playlist is full of their favourite songs, and you put them in loop, listening to each with tears in your eyes.

What is goodbye afterall...when the silence is full of their whisperings and, loneliness full of their memories.

What is goodbye afterall...when each day you promise to move on, only to realise you just can't walk a step, without them anymore.

What is goodbye afterall...when you cannot speak a word but want to empty your heart like a pitcher, splashing all that you are holding in.

What is goodbye afterall...when you realise your smiles are now fake, you cannot laugh at a joke anymore, but start sobbing.

What is goodbye afterall...when you are still in love with them but cannot tell them this.

Image :www.flickr.com

Quote: Ravinder Kaur (Your Quotes)

#goodbye

#painoverdue

#love

#partinghearts

#letmegothistime

#neverwillireturn

#youhurtme

#yqbaba



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The unfamiliar...

What do you think I want in all this?

Practically speaking... I want all.

The all you have... as You.

I have heard people in love when they leave.... they leave a lot of themselves back in others...

Their ideologies....their way of talking...their specific and special terms of the language that they use and ofcourse how they used to respond to in any condition ....

They leave a part of themselves in the people they love and that is what makes it hard to forget them...because they seep into your DNA and become hard to part with...

I don't want  parts of me in you... I want to see you in you... I want to see how different you are...how different from me...how unique you are.

I dont want the familiar side of you...I wanna see the unfamiliar...you..

 To mean... I want to learn you by your soul's fire.... I wanna embrace the unfamiliar you.

Image : www.datingcanvas.com

Shiva and Shakti...

You were always there....timeless and in form and in the formless.... 

I was there, unaware of the bond we had.

You made me power; called me Shakti....detached to the attached you were, yet so sublimely inclined.

In thoughts of mine, you prevailed....though unknown to me, as a close one...known.

A stranger at every step yet my soulmate all the time.

When once I faced you...my heart knew, it was you from times ago mine...yet I was bound to believe that you can never be mine. 

Your one gaze made me love you...the love which existed but never was made true.



The night of our reunion went without your claiming me.... instantly I was hurt....bleeding my heart in the nights.

But how could Shakti be devoid of her Shiva ever...I reached you, called you....you became mine.

I knew that I would burn...my human structure would become a corpse one night....but then I was always yours....death cannot make us part anytime.

From the half male-half female(Ardhnarishwar)...to the universe you hold inside...

You went over in anger...burning the world outright.

As I felt the pain that this body had set in your mind...how can you forget...you are the Shiva....detached from everything all the time.

I am you and you are me....then where's me without you...am always your all the time.

I returned.... for the sake of you.

Incarnation of me to offer you my presence....to you that I had belonged.

Parvati I became... promising love forever in times...

And this night, when the world has risen from the sleep to celebrate our reunion...marking the beginning of Love for now and eternity.

                                           How can love die when it lives in us all the time.







image: serial devon ke dev mahadev (Life Ok)

            google

The cupid and me...

You got it bad huh??? Very bad!!! Admit babes... you felll in love at an unexpected moment...caught offguard...why did you let down your guard? What did you think...you could fool the cupid?

His arrow didn't pierce you from the front but behind! He trapped you in his eyes before setting his aim...

He pulled it at a time...when you couldn't do anything...

Wake up you fool...you're getting drunk in the wine of love... which has no antidote...either you'll kill yourself by drowning in him or yourself...both will result in brutal death.

If you drown in his eyes, he would devour your soul and shatter you with your own will. And if he leaves... you'll drown in yourself...left to innumerable questions, tormenting you mercilessly... you'll drown in yourself... in the dark... pleading to die...to close your eyes for once just not to wake again...Such brutality in the hands of Love...

"Yupp....quiet you!!! Why do you care? You need not! Do you get that... you dont even know how it feels...let me embrace this moment of a lifetime...the pleasure of death in the hands of love...where the winner loses more than the loser himself... what do you think will happen??? I'll kill myself?

No!!! Love cannot kill you...it will make you live forever in just a drop that quenches the thirst of several lives... it only makes you alive after a death which you presumed life....this is the actual beginning of a life...of a hermit... with love in for something which can never be explained in words...people would call me mad, out of mind but they don't know what my eyes see and what they are blind to...

They see the light stronger than the darkness and I see light as a speck of dust, in this dark universe;  where these lights hang in balls in the invisible horizons... roaming like nomads...I see this light as a mere spectator when all darkness is embracing the light...merging in it...dying to give its life, so that you may see how light looks like while the darkness smiles...it can only fade but never end.

I see myself nowhere yet everywhere ...I find the same  song which deepens the conscience...which even in this loneliness, crowds my mind with thoughts of him...I become inseparable...I become not a part but him..."

Image : www.goethes-farbenlehre.com

www.pinterest.com

www.drawingbingo.com

Mysteriously mysterious... this Love!

"Dont become a forgotten memory... you are the one I never wanna miss thinking about."

As she said these words, tears dripped from her eyes. He couldn't do anything else than to hug her tightly and wipe away her tears with the sleeves of his white shirt. 

Only prayers and nothing else slipped from his lips as he watched her disappear behind the doors of the operation theatre.

Sometimes it's a person for a lifetime that we want to live with... but time slips away like sand and moments disappear in thin air.

I wonder what makes two people stay in love like their life wouldnt end ever...

May be life is not meant for anything else...than to realise at end that we only craved for the three words.... for one person... and the heart stops to beat... breaths collapse... in one moment called death.

Souls turn lonely....lonelier with every minute.

Sometimes there is so much to talk about but no one to....And sometimes it's easier to be silent than to utter even a word.

Many things unsaid remained, as she returned thinking of him, after many years of losing her memory... only to retain a slight flutter of her heart beats upon seeing him.... too late you must say...but there's never too late to love and be loved.

As I see them...together I wonder, why he stayed loving her even though she forgot him all these years....but then who could say heart cannot recognises the vibes.... of its other half?

 As I wave them goodbye, I almost catch myself sobbing ...



 Love is mysteriously very mysterious.





Image: www.thesun.co.uk

Warm memories...

On cozy winter mornings... I still wear your sweater... the one that I had stolen from your apartment, the last time I was there with you. It still has your fragrance... I feel the fabric like your touch on me...irresistible. But I know....It doesn't belong to me now. And I have to part with it too...like you!







Little by little, memories have filled up my mind and... heart has become heavy. The drops of tears have kissed you more on this shirt than on your lips... and I pull it off just to find my arms still holding them at ends...Just leave it man!!! Just let go!!!









But they won't... until I pull out my hands that you have held do hard...from your memories my mind... from your love my heart... even though it breaks while I retrieve; into pieces so many that to put them back into me... it would take a lifetime. But I'll manage... I'll be fine...yepp!!!









image:www.exploringyourmind.com

Just one day more....

Just one day more....

Everyday when you kiss my hair...

I embrace that kiss to my soul...

Just one day more...
Tomorrow again...

When the birds chirp on the trees...

And dew glows on the leaves...

Just one day more...

Tomorrow again...

When the day flies wild as a wind...

You fill my every moment...

Just one day more...

Tomorrow again...

When dusk arrives with orange sky...

I sense you close near by...

Just one day more...

Tomorrow again...

The night dances in her shimmering gown...

But I stay awake, to see you sleep...

Just one day more....

Tomorrow again...

When there's no tomorrow...

Just keep me in your dreams...

I'll visit you every night...

And tell you all the while...

That love is never made...

It rises in the hearts...

In the sea, like a wave...

And carry you away...

Like a wind carries leaves...

Dry, separated from the trees...

Hearts carry love...

To each other when they meet...

Just one day more...

Tomorrow again...

I shall rise in dreams...

To wake you up...

Forever to love...

To love me.

image: dumbosdiary.com

(posted on Facebook- 30th Jan. 2016)

Does SOUL have a Gender?

Does soul have a
gender?

It is the body
that takes over...

In each birth

An envelope of
visual difference

Eyes see

Skin feels

But what is same?

The deep seas

Holding nothing...

To something...

To everything

Beyond sense of
understanding.

If this envelope
burns...

How will you see
me?

Have you thought ever...

The beautiful or
ugly?

It doesn’t matter
then.

The usual 

And the
extraordinary

Is all same

Beneath...

Below...

Deep...

To the abyss,

Where darkness
and light

Melt in the
profound.

To sink, to
drench

To become free

Of what holds
everything

In place,
sabotaged...

Hostage...

Enslaved.

Does soul have a
gender?

To love you as a
woman?

Or to love you as
a man?

But to love, is
it necessary?

For me to be
opposite of YOU?

To complete the
half that’s not You,

Or to be like You

To repel the love
attraction.

image:thoughtcatalogue.com

Second Chance...

I never thought that time will fly like this and I would not be able to cherish the moments that I deserve. My little girl is now no more little but has grown into a lady....intelligent, smart and beautiful. But with time, Diana has become so quiet... and I wondered why. Sometimes, you think that your children would tell you all that happen to them...but they don't because they need space...to live their own life.



Falling in love is like a fashion nowadays....and with college going kids, it is sometimes a matter of status.The truth is that this duration destroys much of their scope for studies and a good career.

And falling out of love is equally disastrous...it destroys a healthy mentality and self confidence. and my dear little girl ... she didn't say but ... her eyes said all......her sorrow.



I couldn't get angry on her as I know it would worsen her condition ....she needs a shoulder to just cry out and feel light.And my biggest failure is that I didn't let her understand this hard rule of life that one must go on....



"Love is a feeling...to be felt but not to be possessed because possession makes it vulnerable.Feelings are free...they dwell in hearts and that is why they are beautiful. We might not understand that attractions do not merely mean anything but in course of time, we go through a pain which is another emotion... a feeling. But the truth is that we are so much occupied by the sadness that we cage this pain in our hearts. And we totally change the meaning of Love.

Leave the right to possess the person you love.... and you shall always be happy to be in love. You might never forget the person because with him/her you had a wonderful time...which cannot be snatched away . It's a moment of peace...a never ending moment of happiness, which brings radiance on your face. The glow of which is so pure....so true, that never can anyone make you happy like that."



And then she suddenly turned towards me to ask," Mom... do you love Dad in the same way?"



The minute of silence was like ages for me and my lips struggled to say anything.

 A voice behind me intruded before I could start," Sometimes... broken hearts need a lot of time to heal my dear! And when they do...they are stronger than ever to be broken down because we pick up each shattered piece...place them carefully and fix them with pure love.... and give them time and care to heal. Broken pieces may have cracks and stains but they hold stronger....scars are the proof of our struggle but not our failure. Second chances are very difficult but people get stronger . They know the pain endured in the first time. So, second time, the heart is all prepared.

SO.... buckle up!!!This is not the end.....He rejected you....move on...don't stay where you are...but as your mom says- Love is a feeling, not to possess a person but the feeling of being in love. And that is how it should be! "



Her dad said the best words ever to boost her spirit...as she wiped her cheek and hugged him....a jitty feeling hovered over me and I was caught in his gaze, his muffled voice touched my ears,"You can never forget your first love...the first kiss and the the first drops of rain of the season.."

My breath struggled to get free but my eyes glistened with the petrichor of the first love lost in the crowds of memories....my voice finally stripped of its loudness spoke in a husky tone," I regret why it wasn't you?"



" It was always you....my first and last...and I don't regret I wasn't your first because I waited for you... and somehow I was destined to be yours." His words and his warm embrace made me realise that second chance in love is a beautiful thing....the sweetness of love is never less...it is our hearts that do not open and accept it but... I have found peace in the love that I have got and I hope Diana too understands this and....accepts life and love as they are!



(C) Ravinder Kaur

   

     28-06-2017



image:occasiodea.blogspot.com

The Undelivered Letter

The undelivered letter...

My heart was torn, when I had no news of him....I waited on the steps near the pavilion. My heart kept on swinging beats from four to one....anxiety took over me....whether he would come or not , I had no idea.....

The dripping rains, I thought were the reason of his absence but now the sky was getting clear of the dark clouds.The sun was showing in slowly, yet mildly like waiting with me for him to appear here .

It has been three hours and he hasn't even called me. Am more than nervous....am more than destroyed. My sobs start without warning and I hear the sad sound of my heart .

May be...may be.... But it is now time and I can't fool my heart any more. He won't come. Am left alone....abandoned like an unwanted child.

I call him on his number , the ring is buzzing .....he takes my call and in bewilderment quizzes me about my whereabouts. I tell him am outside the metro railway station, waiting for him. And he gives in a surprised sound not knowing it. He tells me to wait there and he'll come.

I feel this wait is endless until I see him through my crying eyes nearly thirty minutes after that call.He comes and hugs me and calls me stupid and idiot. For I came for him from Bangalore to Delhi unannounced.

I told him about his letter, which he kept in the book. And he was shocked that it was the same letter he wanted to give to his first crush at college but couldn't. That undelivered letter chose me to open it and I received all the love, he wished to give to his crush.

I was surprised whether it was for me , yes I assumed it was for me, for it was addressed to Navya and my name IS Navya..

©Ravinder Kaur

14-02-2017

#Love

#iloveyou

#Valentine'sday

On my way...... back

On my way back,

I looked up at the tree,

The sweet light fragrance,

Recalled your memories.

Those scented, little darlings,

Hanging on the tree,

You plucked them for me,

Back in my dreams.

Under the tree,

I wait for you.....Again.

To see you pluck them,

For....Me.

And I.... see you smiling,

There Up.... to me.

I haven't forgotten,

Those days.

When in mornings,

Beside the coffee cup,

You placed those flowers,

Catching me smiling,

Like a little girl to her dolls.

Wake me up from this .....Oh dear!

Gift me nothing else, but these.

I miss nothing else but them and.....You!

Together under the tree.

Still that wait and urge,

When I see them bloom.

And you... not here,

To give me...your love.

  (Image source: Ravinder Kaur)

Say nothing...

Grab my fears, as if a pillow...

Pull off each feather inside...

Hold my tear as if its dew...

Sprinkle some in the eye...

Drag my dreams as if blindfolded....

To the dawn of reality...

.

Wash off my troubles as if soap...

And clean my soul with your love...

Turn off everything, embracing the silence...

And hear only the beating of hearts....

Say nothing and still say everything...

With eyes reading what I hide...

©. Ravinder Kaur 03/01/16

(Image Source: Google Images)

Life and Love....

Is this Life?

Yes.....





Can I watch over till you hold me?

Am sorry!!!



I mean, can I come along?

Sure....but who is this?





I am Love. Don't you know me?

NO.





What???? That's strange.

I only know Death....





Great, I know her too, that evil lady....

Evil?



Yes, she steals everyone from me. Evil Witch.....

Sorry, but she is my bride....





Ohhhh!!!! Ok! Ok! I get it......She stole you too from me.

Am getting late.....You are on your own





Bye(sobbing)

Bye.







 

Can I hold your Heart?

Can I hold your heart for a while.......

Till you feel it is alright........

Can I give you both my eyes......

For you to look deep inside......



It's no world to say......

How to live.......

And how to love........

It's no world to say......

How to choose

And how to let go of the past.....





Can I kiss you on your hand.......

To ease the pain you hold inside.......

Can I hold you a little tight.....

Till you leave away the coldness out right.....



It's no world to say....

How to make...

How to destroy......

It's no world to say.....

How to be .....

Yourself in life....





Come on let me hold your heart.....

Till it loses all its scars...

Come on let me hold it so light.....

To feel that softness inside.....



Take my shoulder to cry.....

Come lets make these tears dry.....

Where is that smile......

Oh! Where did you hide it......

Where is that love......

Oh! Please tell me where is it?





Come forget what hurt you then.....

Come hold this very moment.....

Come embrace your life once again......

Come now there's new life to begin.....







Now smile my friend....

Its the end.....

Now can we talk?

May this day begin....

All again....

With you on my side......



Lets play a game dear.....

Come on, do not fear.....

I have your heart in my hand.....

Just let me understand.....



Take my word for it.....

Just forget.....

Make me your smile.......

Give those tears to me.....

And worries.....

And let go of that pain inside....





Will you give me chance.....

To hold it and place in my life....

I will give you mine, not for a while....

But till the end of the times...

.



I would love to be yours...

Making your dreams and

 hopes come true

Come lets be not two

But one soul ,me in you....



Its one life to be lived....

With you and me for a while....

When time will end....

I will be yours and you mine...



I love you and I can't hide....

It's the tears in your eyes...

That I don't want to find.....

I just love to see...

That pretty smile...



Come on  give me a chance .....

I will prove my worth.......

Can I hold your hand for a while....

And have it in my hand...



Will I get your hand , my dear.....

Or you have some other fear?

Just know this, I am waiting for you ......

And I shall keep waiting for you for lifetime.....

Now its time for you to decide....

Now its time for you to be mine......

Now its time for you to make it happen...

Come on say YES and join me as my life...

Review : Circle of Love by Dipesh Shah

                             If you have been in Love and have gone through up and downs throughout, then this book is definitely for you. Love is a very wonderful feeling and "Being In Love" and "Being Loved" are both different phases in love.What would happen if you love a person and he/she doesn't reciprocate??? Or if you don't recognize whether you are in love or not? A circle starts at a point and ends in the same. So is life.Sometimes we start and end at the same place only to lose than to gain. Such is life and this book is a journey of Dhruv who started and finished at the same point of defeat or a lesson in love.

                 



                            What was Dhruv's love for Veronica? Did Veronica deserve Dhruv's selfless love? Why did she leave him? Will Dhruv accept her back in his life again? These are the questions that torment Dhruv and the reader throughout the story and Dipesh has done well to recite a story of breakup and a lesson that changed a happy go lucky guy Dhruv. 



                        

                              A book containing story in 34 pages did not appeal at first by the cover. I thought it cannot be considered  a novel but Dipesh through his words proved that the book is worth reading and "Quality matters rather than Quantity" not compromising with silly add ons of silly unimportant incidents in the story.I would have loved it even more if some part of Indori style was showcased more but a writer's words are final and a reader can only read and consider a story so real and full of unforgetful moments of Love and betrayal. The hindi shayri part captures attention and gives a deeper representation of a heart's pain of loss of love.





                               Yes, breakups haunt, they give sadness and depression.But why did Veronica come back when she left him giving pain? Why NOW? When he was healing, recovering.Has she realized her mistake? Or is she back for more? What will Dhruv do?Want to know? Then do read  "Circle of Love" by Dipesh Shah, published by Notionpress.