What if I never get over you...

What if I never get over you...

Love is as confusing as hating.... both consume enormous energy . The only thing that differs is the way we express them.

After believing for a lifetime that a person can get over someone by hating, I understood that it's never possible. 

Even though we move on... we move away from that love, we want to forget, we want never to go through the same again...

But ... that person still holds the very spot in our heart, eventhough we ignore... looking through them like they dont exist but the truth is, love cannot be taken back... you cannot unlove them. Hating them is just a mask we put over our own emotions. A mechanism to cope up, to prevent from drowning in that sad wave that we are not with them...

What if I dont get closure?

There are no closures in love, only divorces in marriages but never closures. There is nothing called closures because we never agree on loving someone for a while... hearts dont work that way. 

What if I never get over you?

I would never, but plainly deny my feelings for you, fight out with myself....thinking it's all in my head and not in real. 

But the truth will remain the same... there's no way to unlove a person you once fell in love with.  There will be memories that won't leave at your will. Mind is a graveyard where memories are like ghosts, haunting day and night, without any restrictions and last goodbyes never mean you will forget them once and for all.

©Ravinder Kaur

14-07-2019

#whatifinevergetoveryou

#whatifinevergetclosure

#memorieshauntingraveyardofmind

#youcantunlovetheoneyouloved

#you

What is Goodbye...afterall?

What is goodbye afterall...if only it had to be just said, but not felt in the heart...when the memories drown you every now and then, making you vulnerable.

What is goodbye afterall...if you touch your scars and feel the pain again and again, like they are still fresh.

What is goodbye afterall...if your tears flow, eventhough times have crossed bridges of months and years.

What is goodbye afterall...when you try all the while to live, but die each day remembering them whom you love.

What is goodbye afterall...when you never think it would end so soon, that your mind keeps hanging in confusion.

What is goodbye afterall...when you remember them, each time you touch something you both shared.

What is goodbye afterall...when your playlist is full of their favourite songs, and you put them in loop, listening to each with tears in your eyes.

What is goodbye afterall...when the silence is full of their whisperings and, loneliness full of their memories.

What is goodbye afterall...when each day you promise to move on, only to realise you just can't walk a step, without them anymore.

What is goodbye afterall...when you cannot speak a word but want to empty your heart like a pitcher, splashing all that you are holding in.

What is goodbye afterall...when you realise your smiles are now fake, you cannot laugh at a joke anymore, but start sobbing.

What is goodbye afterall...when you are still in love with them but cannot tell them this.

Image :www.flickr.com

Quote: Ravinder Kaur (Your Quotes)

#goodbye

#painoverdue

#love

#partinghearts

#letmegothistime

#neverwillireturn

#youhurtme

#yqbaba



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Crawling shadows...

I never knew how past would again and again torment me...the little child in me stays awake. Wanting someone to hold my hand and say," it's ok...am with you." 

The shadows howl at me, singing crazy songs of childhood lullabies; keeping me awake. I fight with my mind to sleep. Lights blind me, disclosing the faces of known ones...my own ones playing with me... destroying my joy of childhood.

Am alone in this body...no one to hear but me the screams of my helplessness...am alone to survive the pain and agony which I am unable to comprehend and produce the same in written words or spoken. But trust me...am dying each day with the guilt of something, that I haven't done but being the victim of which has been more tormenting...

It's like seeing myself each night...fighting to survive the hallucination... fighting to survive the death of my childhood... 

Am fighting to slow down growing...to be an adult...to understand the vanished phase between my childhood and youth. 

Am not what they made me...I am me. Not a victim of the doings of their's. Am not the left over...

Am not eatable to be stale with time.

Am not a survivor of the abuse ...but half victorious. 

My only victory is that I didn't give up on living.

But partly am dead...as I should have been completely ... after the blackout of my life's horrific day.

The shallow shadow of me on the ground crawls like a helpless earthworm. What else can a woman feel about herself?

Image : www.scarymommy.com

Warm memories...

On cozy winter mornings... I still wear your sweater... the one that I had stolen from your apartment, the last time I was there with you. It still has your fragrance... I feel the fabric like your touch on me...irresistible. But I know....It doesn't belong to me now. And I have to part with it too...like you!







Little by little, memories have filled up my mind and... heart has become heavy. The drops of tears have kissed you more on this shirt than on your lips... and I pull it off just to find my arms still holding them at ends...Just leave it man!!! Just let go!!!









But they won't... until I pull out my hands that you have held do hard...from your memories my mind... from your love my heart... even though it breaks while I retrieve; into pieces so many that to put them back into me... it would take a lifetime. But I'll manage... I'll be fine...yepp!!!









image:www.exploringyourmind.com

On my way...... back

On my way back,

I looked up at the tree,

The sweet light fragrance,

Recalled your memories.

Those scented, little darlings,

Hanging on the tree,

You plucked them for me,

Back in my dreams.

Under the tree,

I wait for you.....Again.

To see you pluck them,

For....Me.

And I.... see you smiling,

There Up.... to me.

I haven't forgotten,

Those days.

When in mornings,

Beside the coffee cup,

You placed those flowers,

Catching me smiling,

Like a little girl to her dolls.

Wake me up from this .....Oh dear!

Gift me nothing else, but these.

I miss nothing else but them and.....You!

Together under the tree.

Still that wait and urge,

When I see them bloom.

And you... not here,

To give me...your love.

  (Image source: Ravinder Kaur)