When people ask me... do I still remember you?
I go in a trance, my lips hold a smile and my eyes are visible with tears about to fall. I remember the first time when I saw you and.... also the last when you were leaving... like a trail of words gradually being swallowed by the winds of winter. There is a noise inside my heart but am in solitude.
Am not a lonely passenger anymore... I am a seeker.... seeking myself. Not you!
I forgave myself for you. And also you... so that I can save the little of myself that is left inside of me.
When people ask me would I go back to you?
My lips tremble as if in ananticipation of the new conflict that will begin between my heart and mind. My teeth are excellent to keep words inside. At many places these words have fought hard to escape and thus, some teeth are giving in space from where they scream.
The lump in my throat is a knot that I had tied after I witnessed the rising and falling of grief inside me.
Dams are excellent to hold rivers in their place. But I hold this grief so that I do not drown again in you.
Your visions, your dreams are like migrating birds and I .... I am a wildflower rooted to the soil. My fragrance could travel with the winds as memories, but I cannot become like you.
My sunshine and my roots are all I have. I can smile and still not give you my teardrops.
I hold out my hand to you to just say... now my eyes are closed and I don't see what I saw before. I saw you as me . Now You are different... you are You. And that does not affect me anymore.
You are free..and so am I.
Now when people ask me do I remember you. I say I remember everyone who has left me and also someone who has not...and that is me.
Ravinder Kaur
29-12-2022
#thelastlaugh
#whendeathisyouknowisreal
#reality of life
#thelastdecember
#lifeisawitheringwinter
Image: www.onlymyhealth.com
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