To be a Queen...

I was brought up as a princess... and you know what that means?

It means, that I had all of my wishes come true... or to say ... all were made true by my dad.

I was handed over to a king... because a queen is said to belong to a king and not to anyone less.

So... I became a Queen!

A queen, infamous of required action, because my king was the ruler...and I, mere a spectator. But the reigns soon fell into my hands, when the king lost his life... and I had to become the king, inspite of being the rumoured- inefficient queen.

I bore no child so the kingdom was nevertheless my own family... they were my children and I their mother and this is what I assumed and failed miserably at.

Lost in the cascade of battles, I was torn like a piece of cloth and sold like meat. The buyer was...ofcourse a king and, I a hopeless slave.

I was held captive...not even given the status of a royal in prison but... a slave to whom the king could keep... as a war prisoner.

Life was never a burden before... but now it seemed so...as each night called upon me innumerable times...the merciless beast ate me, each hour until sunrise.

My shivering accompanied by the moans were not that of pleasure...But the pain endured by the piercing reality, that Queens are never Queens beyond their territory; and the only territory they have doesn't even include their own body, but the soul that is held captive... until it decides to leave the world...







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The unfamiliar...

What do you think I want in all this?

Practically speaking... I want all.

The all you have... as You.

I have heard people in love when they leave.... they leave a lot of themselves back in others...

Their ideologies....their way of talking...their specific and special terms of the language that they use and ofcourse how they used to respond to in any condition ....

They leave a part of themselves in the people they love and that is what makes it hard to forget them...because they seep into your DNA and become hard to part with...

I don't want  parts of me in you... I want to see you in you... I want to see how different you are...how different from me...how unique you are.

I dont want the familiar side of you...I wanna see the unfamiliar...you..

 To mean... I want to learn you by your soul's fire.... I wanna embrace the unfamiliar you.

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When clouds become flock of sheep...

When clouds become flock of sheep...

Your thoughts become fallen leaves...

I dream about a weird tree...

That is never green...

When dew drops load their weight on nights...

Struggling to dilute as lights arise...

Forming crystals of silver on broken leaves...

Shining like diamonds bright.

Unwrapped day in buds of blue...

Turning pots of uncooked stew...

Flames of heat simmering then...

To cook all day long then.

Propelled by the rising Sun...

Increasing heights till up it hung...

Then slowly sliding towards the end...

In cool waters laying far at end.

The night dilutes its blue black ink

Letting those trapped fireflies twinkle

As the breeze sighs every now and then

The moon stands still in masked silence.

Dreams emerge like ghosts

Entering the sleeping corpses

Touching their quiet hollowness

Filling with sounds of forgotten voices.

When clouds become flock of sheep...

Entering the borderless skies

Your dreams they bring and take

Across my uncountable nights.

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Crawling shadows...

I never knew how past would again and again torment me...the little child in me stays awake. Wanting someone to hold my hand and say," it's ok...am with you." 

The shadows howl at me, singing crazy songs of childhood lullabies; keeping me awake. I fight with my mind to sleep. Lights blind me, disclosing the faces of known ones...my own ones playing with me... destroying my joy of childhood.

Am alone in this body...no one to hear but me the screams of my helplessness...am alone to survive the pain and agony which I am unable to comprehend and produce the same in written words or spoken. But trust me...am dying each day with the guilt of something, that I haven't done but being the victim of which has been more tormenting...

It's like seeing myself each night...fighting to survive the hallucination... fighting to survive the death of my childhood... 

Am fighting to slow down growing...to be an adult...to understand the vanished phase between my childhood and youth. 

Am not what they made me...I am me. Not a victim of the doings of their's. Am not the left over...

Am not eatable to be stale with time.

Am not a survivor of the abuse ...but half victorious. 

My only victory is that I didn't give up on living.

But partly am dead...as I should have been completely ... after the blackout of my life's horrific day.

The shallow shadow of me on the ground crawls like a helpless earthworm. What else can a woman feel about herself?

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We were never strangers...

All the time, when we were near...

We were never strangers.We were some old souls, soaked in our own warmth... in our own minds...on crossroads. Waving at each other... sharing smiles. 

We were never strangers, when we could feel how our hearts fluttered, in the crowd of two. We knew how much deep the darkness we have held inside...how much our lights have peeped inside, the cracks that were only scars and not fresh wounds...

We were  never strangers to the fact, that we were not even friends but we were also not enemies.

We were strangers to ourselves...playing along the line... of ignoring our reflections in each other... we were two lonely souls, connected by a single smile. We were two wounded hearts, connected by a single dream. We were two stupid people, holding guns over each other... with only a bullet left in it.

We were never strangers...for we were the two lines of the single song...the song that was never audible to others, as they were deaf and we...we were two blind people... searching each other in the midst of a wrecked drowning ship...

We were never strangers...how could we... for we were never meant to be... strangers after all.

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All you need to have.

Sometimes, you fall in leaves and sometimes, you wait in morning dews...

Love is planted in each heart, all have a heart but love happens to a Few...

Sometimes, you laugh in each flower and sometimes, you cry in rains...

Love fulfils its purpose but all go through a similar pain...

Sometimes, you glow in the light and sometimes, you drown in the darkness...

Love ignites a storm and also holds a calmness.

Sometimes, you know all answers and sometimes, you fear to question.

Love makes all things clear but all you have is a big confusion...

Sometimes, Love is all you need...

And sometimes, it is the only thing you have.

The Last Dance...

As the music in the background plays... we both have the last dance. 

My eyes have already started to show... but your blank face hides all you want to, or may be it's my assumption.

My fingers tremble... brushing around your shoulder... I wanna hold you forever... 

My lips stop midway... saying don't go as I turn to look elsewhere...my tears slip down to my cheek, glistening in the lights...

The last dance with you shall end soon...

I want this moment to freeze... 

May this moment never end...as I close my eyes keeping my head on your chest, my sobs escape and the pinch in my heart kills me to say," I must go.... I must."

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