A Thousand Times....I LOVE YOU

A thousand times...

I had told myself that, someone somewhere belongs to me.

I didnt know for sure...

But my heart repeated it has to be you.

What-ifs always stopped me...

But then, heart resolved to yell at me.

For once should I want you...then why not to say.



I Love You

A hundred times...

I told myself that someone too waits for me.

Somewhere, under the same sky...

Counting stars in a puzzled way.

What-ifs always stopped me...

And buts, always interrupted the themes.

But then for a moment, my heart stopped beating

When I was about to say.



I Love You

Just one time, I didnt hear my heart...

And only looked into your eyes...

My fallen dew, my dreams came true...

And out of darkness, shinning bright ...

All was you... and all is you...

Until my last breath.



I Love You





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कोरा कागज़...

मैं इक ज़िद्दी कोरे कागज़ की तरह, तुम्हे रोज़ चिढ़ाती हूँ... और तुम रोज़, मुझे नीले रंग से सजाने की कोशिश में लगे रहते हो।

क्यों भूल जाते हो, कि तुम्हारे हज़ार अल्फ़ाज़ लिखने के बावजूद मेरे अंदर का ये खालीपन भरेगा नहीं!





लफ़्ज़ों के बीच से मेरा कोरापन हमेशा झांकता ही रहेगा ... तुम जितनी भी कोशिश कर लो...कहीं ना कहीं तुम नाकाम ही रहोगे।



सारे ज़माने के अल्फ़ाज़ कम पड़ जाएंगे मेरे इस खालीपन को भरने में।  मेरा ये खालीपन, मेरी ख़ामोशी शायद तुम्हारी हँसी की मुरीद हो चुकी है.... इसीलिए तो, रोज़ तुम्हे पहले पन्ने से खुली आँखों से निहारती रहती हूँ... तुम्हारी कलम का मुझपे एहसास, मुझे बदरंग कर देता है।







और शायद तुम्हे भी ये एहसास होता ही होगा... जब तुम कलम टिकाने ही लगते हो, मैं झट से ज़ुल्फ़ों की तरह, पन्ना फेर देती हूँ... और उस पल्टे हुए पन्ने को देख, तुम्हारी खीझ पे मुझे हँसी सी आ जाती है...



माथे की शिकन बताती है, कि मैं तुम्हे कितना परेशान कर देती हूँ ...और तुम किसी छोटे बच्चे की तरह रूठ से जाते हो... झट से कलम वापस रख, तपाक से मुझे इस किताब की देहलीज़ के अंदर बंद कर देते हो।





शायद। ...  यूँ कैदखाने में इस कोरे कागज़ का रह जाना ,  कोई बड़ी बात नहीं तुम्हारे लिए... तुम तो हर मुमकिन कोशिश करते हो, मुझ पर कोई हसीन इबादत या अफसाना लिखने का पर, मेरी किस्मत कोरी ही है....

मेरा खालीपन मुझे अब अपना सा लगने लगा है... हर पन्ने के शुरू और अंत में वह हमेशा दिखता ही रहेगा....

चाहे तुम कितने भी रंग भर लो ... और ये लफ़्ज़ों के बीच से मेरा कोरापन झाँकना  करेगा ... कभी नहीं !!!



इमेज : nybookeditors.com

The cupid and me...

You got it bad huh??? Very bad!!! Admit babes... you felll in love at an unexpected moment...caught offguard...why did you let down your guard? What did you think...you could fool the cupid?

His arrow didn't pierce you from the front but behind! He trapped you in his eyes before setting his aim...

He pulled it at a time...when you couldn't do anything...

Wake up you fool...you're getting drunk in the wine of love... which has no antidote...either you'll kill yourself by drowning in him or yourself...both will result in brutal death.

If you drown in his eyes, he would devour your soul and shatter you with your own will. And if he leaves... you'll drown in yourself...left to innumerable questions, tormenting you mercilessly... you'll drown in yourself... in the dark... pleading to die...to close your eyes for once just not to wake again...Such brutality in the hands of Love...

"Yupp....quiet you!!! Why do you care? You need not! Do you get that... you dont even know how it feels...let me embrace this moment of a lifetime...the pleasure of death in the hands of love...where the winner loses more than the loser himself... what do you think will happen??? I'll kill myself?

No!!! Love cannot kill you...it will make you live forever in just a drop that quenches the thirst of several lives... it only makes you alive after a death which you presumed life....this is the actual beginning of a life...of a hermit... with love in for something which can never be explained in words...people would call me mad, out of mind but they don't know what my eyes see and what they are blind to...

They see the light stronger than the darkness and I see light as a speck of dust, in this dark universe;  where these lights hang in balls in the invisible horizons... roaming like nomads...I see this light as a mere spectator when all darkness is embracing the light...merging in it...dying to give its life, so that you may see how light looks like while the darkness smiles...it can only fade but never end.

I see myself nowhere yet everywhere ...I find the same  song which deepens the conscience...which even in this loneliness, crowds my mind with thoughts of him...I become inseparable...I become not a part but him..."

Image : www.goethes-farbenlehre.com

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When you wake up...

By the lonely lanes, I walk; looking up at the clouds... as my eyes follow the flying doves and stop at a bunch of flowers, those lightly scented ones... people call them hanging with spirits... may be that's why they whisper about you into my ears...they know how I feel about you, but I had never told anyone.

Sometimes, like the scent hanging in mid air... our love hangs in spaces between... the end of which is untied....fluttering free . Will you hold the other end, I doubt.

Without letting you out of my thoughts, am going afar.....closing all doors...which open towards you. So that when you wake up, you have no trace of me and my dying desire to love....you!

Image: www.hollywoodreporter.com

(When Marnie was there)

Mysteriously mysterious... this Love!

"Dont become a forgotten memory... you are the one I never wanna miss thinking about."

As she said these words, tears dripped from her eyes. He couldn't do anything else than to hug her tightly and wipe away her tears with the sleeves of his white shirt. 

Only prayers and nothing else slipped from his lips as he watched her disappear behind the doors of the operation theatre.

Sometimes it's a person for a lifetime that we want to live with... but time slips away like sand and moments disappear in thin air.

I wonder what makes two people stay in love like their life wouldnt end ever...

May be life is not meant for anything else...than to realise at end that we only craved for the three words.... for one person... and the heart stops to beat... breaths collapse... in one moment called death.

Souls turn lonely....lonelier with every minute.

Sometimes there is so much to talk about but no one to....And sometimes it's easier to be silent than to utter even a word.

Many things unsaid remained, as she returned thinking of him, after many years of losing her memory... only to retain a slight flutter of her heart beats upon seeing him.... too late you must say...but there's never too late to love and be loved.

As I see them...together I wonder, why he stayed loving her even though she forgot him all these years....but then who could say heart cannot recognises the vibes.... of its other half?

 As I wave them goodbye, I almost catch myself sobbing ...



 Love is mysteriously very mysterious.





Image: www.thesun.co.uk

मैंने सुना है तुम मर चुके हो...

मैंने सुना है तुम मर चुके हो...

ऊपर से कट चके हो,

नीचे से गल चुके हो.





हवा से रूठके,

साँसें लेना भूल चुके हो,

सुना है, तुम मर चुके हो.





धूप में झुलस के,

छाँव में कहीं छुप चुके हो,

सुना है कि, तुम मर चुके हो.





करवटों में नींदें खो के,

ख़यालों में  मुड़ चुके हो,

सुना है, शायद तुम मर चुके हो.





क्यों इतना बदल चुके हो?

तड़पते हो, या तड़प चुके हो,

पर सुना है, तुम मर चुके हो.





कोई क़फ़न खरीदा है?

या दूसरों पे ही, ये भी काम छोड़ा है,

सुना तो है, कि तुम मर चुके हो.





दफ़ा करो अब इन यादों को,

इनमें रखा ही क्या है!

हाँ, पर सुना है कि तुम मर चुके हो.





क्यों तुम्हें याद करुँ?

आख़िर दिया ही क्या है तुमने मुझे?

पर सच है क्या ...कि तुम मर चुके हो?





ये  ख़ामोशी अब सहन से बाहर है,

कुछ कह ही दो.... यही कि सब झूठ है...

कि तुम मर चुके हो.





शायद ये ख़याल सबका बेक़ार है,

तुम मर गए, फिर भी कहीं ज़िंदा हो,

सुनती हूँ रोज़ यही कि तुम मर चुके हो.





यक़ीन होता नहीं,

फिर भी रोज़ पूछती हूँ,

क्या सचमुच तुम मर चुके हो?





लोग हँसते हैं मेरे पूछने पे,

कहते है शायद तुम ज़िंदा हो,

रो देती हूँ जब कोई मज़ाक बना देता है,

तुम्हे ज़िंदा, मुझे मार के कहता है कि ...

सबको पता है, तुम मर चुके हो!!!



Image : google

I wish...

I wished you'll say 'I love you' before I did... but the minutes have become so heavy that time has started to stand still... the glimpse of what we might be has flashed my mind often...

 I tremble with this unheard melody ... may be I should wait a little more... to hear how my name would sound each time when your lips touch each other to call my name.

Strange is this gaze... that captures time like a photograph...posing us in a lifetime- freezing smile, when I see my own reflection in your eyes...like there is no one else in this world but you and me.

Can ... can this be the forever that i have always dreamed of... can this be the eternity that I  had always wished for... can this time... we might be we instead of you and me???

Image : www.relationshipsmatter.ph